2017-01-02

wonder about all sorts of things

Mostly owing the the fact that we stayed up so late on Saturday and into Sunday makes the holiday feel like it was so long ago. We celebrated new year on both ends of its hourly count, and that made today feel all the more odd when coupled with the realization that it's also Monday. In fact, when I think back over the last 48 hours, I am not entirely certain what happened in any given span without careful consideration... it has all just run together.

There is another day off in two weeks, but that's not of that much consequence to me because I'll be away anyway.  So tomorrow my manager will be back in the office for the first time since his child was born. To complicate his life, we're not even in the same building he left, so that should make things a bit more interesting for a day or two.

I've been trying to teach myself some coding over the last couple of months, but I have a hard time devoting the time to doing much of it most days. This morning (or was it yesterday morning) I spent some more time reading and watching tutorials, and then later started working with some basic Android constructs as that is the most likely first outlet for any positive outcomes I produce.

In fact, I've found that I'm having a hard time motivating myself to much lately. Although I'm generally quite interested in hanging out with friends, going places and otherwise just not being at home, I have been strangely content this holiday season to sit down with a book, flip on the TV, or veg out on the internet. I'm not suggesting that any of these things are bad, but I do feel like I should have a little more gumption toward activity especially being on the more extraverted side.

My wife has been working out pretty consistently for a couple of years now, and I think that lately she is maybe even using her workouts for a bit of an escape. I could be misreading things, but I know she's got a ton going on and not all of it is ideal.

Somewhere in my mind I have the desire to do what she's done, but I think there's something else that is demotivating me, and I can't place my finger on it. I want to look better, I want to feel better, I want to have people look at my differently. Yet none of these things is lighting the spark. What's it going to take?

Family is a difficult thing. We all have them in some form or another and if we're lucky we even like them. Our families live far away, and are very different than ourselves. While both of our parents enjoy seeing us, we have a hard time finding the time to travel to see them between needing to get time off of work and wanting to take traditional-type vacations to help unplug and unwind. It's a bit easier to physically get to see her family although more costly due to distance and that meaning we usually fly. Because of where my parents are, there isn't really a good air option because the total travel time (drive to airport, security, wait for flight, fly, change planes, fly, get a car, drive to them) ends up being the same or greater duration as driving the ~450 miles. And extended family? That just gets more complex.

A lot of people use this time of year to make resolutions they are going to break. I think I'll skip that and just say that I hope we find a way to improve where things are in every facet, even just a little.

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