2017-01-04

get to the bottom of it, part 1

It is strange how in the last several days that I've been unmotivated, unhappy, and uneasy. As I mentioned previously there isn't anything that is really sparking this that I can identify. I hope that this does not continue much longer.

I've begun to try and identify the cause of this state--is it food, events, weather... None of those really make sense, nor does the lack of things in the same categories. So far, I've only come up with two candidates that seem viable enough.

First is perhaps what is most obvious: work. I haven't been finding much joy in my job in the last couple of weeks. I like the people that I work with, and I think that we are doing important things for the organization, but I am not sure of my own fit. While I possess all of the necessary skills and experience and perform the requirements of my position, and I think that overall I'm pretty darn good at it. I've made some important changes to the things we do, and I honestly believe I've made a positive impact. But there is something missing. I lack any sort of autonomy, and that often instills feelings of lack of trust.

This is perhaps an interesting thing to examine as my manager has been out of the office for nearly a month, and there is an approximate correlation to my feelings, but that would seem to indicate perhaps the opposite is true--that I don't want autonomy. No, that's not the case at all, so perhaps it is just coincidental.

Tomorrow I'll address the second possible factor weighing on me. I want to get to the bottom of this.

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