2016-11-26

abandon myself

Frenetic. Indecision. That's how I'd describe most of yesterday. And if you know me, you know that couldn't be describing me.

Suffice to say I was challenged.

Those are conditions that have made my life difficult for a very long time. I don't know how to deal with fully functional adults that seem spastic and it frustrates me internally. Sometimes logic can't win. Sometimes you've got to find another "solution" to that problem.

Patience? Seems like a likely candidate for the job. But it is exactly what is called into stark contrast! What's funny about patience is that I'm really patient in most circumstances--I can wait months for events with almost no consternation, I don't really mind waiting for my turn to get or do something, and I'm really good at accepting the kids are kids and operate in this own world. So how can I find the patience I have in all of those things when it comes to this one place I really struggle?

Maybe patience isn't the answer here. Perhaps it's abandonment. Not of the situation, although at times that would be nice, but of my own ideas of how things need to be. In my head that feels like a failure on my part, but maybe it's the thing that's needed. I guess the old adage of "if you can't beat them, join them" may be just what the doctor ordered.

I can try it. It's going to be uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail at it at times. But I'm going to try anyway. What have I got to lose other than my own frustration, really?

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